How to Show Up in Self Love When You Are Feeling Lost

The problem with self love is that we’ve glorified it. On social media, it looks radiant: baths, journals, perfect skin, and filtered peace. But what if that ideal is the reason you’re feeling stuck?

Real self-love, the kind you can tap into at any moment, faces the darkness and doesn’t run.

Today, I want to talk to the version of you who feels unloved, lost, and confused. Together, we will not only face the false ideals that keep you in a loop, but also open your mind to the possibility that maybe the messy version of you is worthy of all of your love.

You’ve probably found that self-love is easy when you love the reflection staring back at you. When others validate and see you. When you have all the money you want in your bank account. When you’re in love with the flow of your life.

But when life’s duality hits you when you least expect it, it’s as if all of that good energy flows out the window. You pick yourself apart in the mirror. You hate the fact that you put on five or ten pounds. Your people treated you like shit, so you decided that’s all you’re worthy of.

Life threw you for a loop, and now you’re feeling lost and wondering if maybe you don’t deserve self-love.

That maybe it has to be earned, not just outright given. Maybe you’ll love yourself when you finally land the dream job, meet your soulmate, sit in your dream body, and get to travel the world.

The problem with this thinking is that it’s flawed and always moving the reality of self-love to an imagined future. It’s a distorted reality we have been conditioned to believe: that love is earned, not given.

When we do right by our parents and family, they love us. When we show up in a certain way for our partners, they shower us with praise. When we do everything exactly how others want us to, we can have the love we are biologically need. But what happens when we aren't living up to expectations? Love has probably been reserved somewhere.

While many of us have been forced to live this way, it does not represent the absolute truth.

Love is not earned. It’s given in the darkness, in the trials, and in the imperfection.

Until we show up for ourselves and give ourselves the love we have always craved, we will continue to entertain the unhealthy patterns that keep us connected to people who only love us conditionally. People who love us when we perform for them instead of being ourselves.

People don’t understand that love doesn’t mean you condone destructive behaviors or have to like everything about a situation. It means you show up with respect, kindness, and compassion.

Love isn’t enabling bad behavior. It sets boundaries and limits for what is allowed.

Love is unconditional, but that doesn’t mean it allows unlimited opportunities to be unhealthy and destructive.

That version of you who feels lost and buried underneath the pressure of life, the one you hide behind all the facades, deserves your unconditional love.

The kind of love that holds your hand in the darkness, wipes your tears at night, and tells you it will be okay. The kind that welcomes you home with open arms and gives you the warmth that reminds you that you will make it through.

Don’t wait to love yourself until it feels good. Face the reflection staring back at you in the mirror right now, in this moment, and choose love.

Choose the love that you’ve always wanted. The love that sees you, hears you, and holds space for you in every season, not just the glamorous ones.

Choose your self-love, not because it feels comfortable or because you like everything you see, but because self-love will be the kick and push you need to keep moving forward.

You may be wondering, “How? How can I love myself right now when I feel so lost and unlovable?”

You show up.

You force yourself to get out of bed in the morning. You get outside for a walk. You eat foods that nourish you. You take a shower and put on clothes, not just the ones that match your mood, but the ones that encourage you to sit up and hold your chin higher.

You stop the negative loops in your mind and immediately replace them with thoughts of love. You affirm to yourself that you may not be exactly where you want to be, but you are worthy of kindness and love right now.

You give yourself permission to do the things that make you feel happy. You put down the vices like alcohol, weed, doom scrolling, and binge watching, and you face what is hidden underneath the surface. You finally let yourself feel the repressed emotions that have been pushed aside for years.

You grab a blanket, a stuffed animal, and some water. You let yourself cry while you hold space for everything you’re feeling.

You take care of your body when you don’t feel like it, not with force, but with intention and love.

How do you show up in self-love?

You get brutally fucking honest about what you need. You don’t lean into that quick answer of “I don’t know.” You sit in the silence and let yourself tune in to the needs and wants of your body.

You stop waiting for someone else to come and give it to you. You give it to yourself.

With all of that being said, I challenge you this week.

Do one thing you’ve been putting off until you feel like you could love yourself. Feel the discomfort. Feel the heaviness. Feel the pain, and show up for yourself anyway.

Loving yourself isn’t waiting. It’s taking action in the smallest ways.

Your self-love doesn’t have to be earned. It’s given. It holds space. It faces the things you dislike and transmutes them into the most magical things about you.

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